I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
