Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
