it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I have fence marks all over my body
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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