He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
