I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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