just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
