I wish I could punch you in the face.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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