a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
