hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I look better un-naked...
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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