do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
