i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
is it fun? or sober?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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