He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Is Oprah even human
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
