That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The uberlube is also flammable
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
