whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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