the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
