My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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