if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize