dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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