dude i'm inner monologue high
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
