I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
