dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
