He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
