trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
