Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize