I can text with my tongue
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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