Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
