I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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