I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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