you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
