I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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