She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
