I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
