the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
