I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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