honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
