yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
