i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
