Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
