Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
