If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
