the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
