I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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