she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
