Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
