So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
