what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize