It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
