He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
