Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
and i looked up. we had an audience...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize