how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
