You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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