happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
