fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
