Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
