everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We have started to decorate penises.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
