HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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