I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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