scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
