...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
