FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Holy sore nipples Batman
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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