I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
