No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
