I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
