a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
