Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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