Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
