i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
