He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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