I faked an abortion last night.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
