so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
